Deserving

I woke up at 2 am and a situation from yesterday was brought to the forefront of my thoughts. I thought about how I was so prideful and grumbling. In a moment of frustration yesterday I thought, “I deserve…” In reality I was shaking my fist at God in my heart. 

I was very childish and immature. I repented after my initial, “but Lord, you don’t understand” moment, and the Lord reminded me that He has been faced with every emotion and obstacle I have and has overcome each one. I thought I’d better pray. 

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” rings in my spirit this morning as I pray in preparation for my day and my inevitable battle with my pride and my nature. I have to trade my, “I deserve” for “you deserve.” 

“You deserve my utmost praise, my admiration and humble gratitude for the very breath in my lungs. You deserve my thanks for the position I’m in, the possessions I have, the responsibilities in my life. You deserve for me to look my so called “suffering” in the face and embrace it with appreciation and joy because through it I will learn obedience as you did. You deserve the best of me.”

Why? 

Because He at any moment could have said, “I deserve…” He is the King of Kings! He didn’t deserve to be born in a manger, in the dirt with the animals. He deserved a throne and received a cross. He deserved good friends and was abandoned by all. He deserved to be waited on hand and foot but was a carpenter’s son and a servant to the lowest. He deserved a crown of glory and got a crown of thorns. And what is amazing is He deserved better but He chose to receive each of these things. He chose to become the lowest of all, chose to be obedient, chose to take my place on the cross, chose to take my place in the depths of hell and the grave. And He chose it with JOY.

Why? 

To save me, the one who complains about “deserving…” How utterly prideful and desperately wicked my heart is to always be thinking, “Poor me,” instead of “Thank you.” 

It’s a daily struggle for me, this “I deserve” issue. Yes, I’m smart and strong and have degrees and can do some things well. But I am because He made me. He allows me to be. He gives all good and perfect gifts. His breath is in my lungs and His say so allows my heart’s next beat. So, by His Spirit and by His grace I will continue the battle over my mind and over my pride today. I will call my flesh into submission to His Word and His Will (which is perfect and pleasing no matter how much it sometimes doesn’t look like it). I will exchange, “I deserve” for, “you deserve” until it is second nature. That is my fight today.

(Taken from my Facebook page, Posted November, 2018)

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