“Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er. Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! O for grace to trust Him more!”
-Louisa M.R. Stead
I’ve read that this song was written out of great suffering. Louisa had gone on a picnic at the beach with her husband and young daughter. A boy was drowning and her husband went to save him. But, the boy pulled him down with him in his panic and they both perished. The song was a sacrifice of praise as well as a heartfelt prayer.
I don’t know the pain of losing a husband to death, but I know pain and despair nonetheless. I know the fear that comes from being alone, the tears of grief at love lost, and the uncertainty of what will become of my life and that of my children.
However, what I know even more than these, is that Jesus is worthy of trust. He is faithful and loving, and our pain, suffering, and fear is not lost on Him.
“For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with us in our weakness,…”
-Hebrews 4:15a, NKJV
But, my pain has made it difficult to trust Him. Certain men I put my trust in throughout my life abused me, abandoned me, and mistreated me in ways that scarred me deeply. Sometimes I still struggle with the pain of their words and actions, but I’m learning to leave that pain at the altar.
As part of that letting go, I decided to go through the guts (as the fearless leader of my Women’s Group says) of some of that pain. In this, I felt God calling me to write a book. The book is fiction, but has a lot of me throughout the life of the protagonist. During the writing of this book, God walked me through my own feelings and fears. In writing the ending, He gave me hope that trusting in Him would lead to a future that is good.
Initially, I was writing what I didn’t believe was possible in my own life. But, I watched real-life women of God around me living out trust in Him and receiving blessing after blessing in response to their obedience. More than this, so many stories in the Bible highlighted women who had put their trust in God when all odds were against them, and He performed the impossible for them as they were obedient to His call. In every instance that I place trust in Him, I see it in my own life as well.
Trusting Him feels in my flesh like a risk sometimes. What happens if I put my trust in Him and He lets me down? But this kind of questioning is fear, and fear is not from God.
“But, blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.”
There is zero risk in trusting Jesus. He already proved Himself on the cross. He proved He would never leave or forsake us, would never harm us, has a plan for us, and loves us with every drop of blood, bead of sweat, and anguished tears that led Him to the cross and beyond for us.
There is no other love so great, so trustworthy, so full of promise, than that of God in Christ for us. He will never let us down. Never! But as we humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord, He will absolutely lift us up!
Prayer: How truly sweet to trust in You, Jesus. I know You are faithful every moment, even when I am not, for you can’t deny Yourself. How I long to trust You with my whole heart. I pray You help me surrender my all: all my fears and doubts, my pain and bitterness; all to You. Thank You for proving Yourself over and over, though You didn’t have to. Teach me to trust You. Amen