Grieved is a good word. It explains a lot going on in my heart right now. I hate to love that word. I hate the feelings it brings up, but I know and love that it’s God’s direction and power over my life as I follow Him even to the deep recesses of my memory and old nature.
I realized this morning that many of my current woes stem from poor decisions; all leading back to one initial major rebellion in my young adulthood. Had I not made this one terrible decision, I would likely have not made the others, and may not have had the decade of struggle and pain. I may not be in my current state of affairs if I had not let my pride and selfishness run away with me.
“But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.”James 1:14-15
Yep. Sounds about right. Funny how we don’t realize how much one decision can affect the rest of our life so deeply; ignorance is bliss until that ignorance bites you in the butt. It all made sense today.
And so I was questioning: with my sin and my past and all those terrible decisions made in rebellion and even with the remnant of my old self I still struggle with, will God still provide for me? Will He still protect me and bring me into a large place (as in Psalm 18)? Why would He when it’s my fault I’m in this mess in the first place?
Here’s what I found when I consulted the Word of God:
- God doesn’t change.
- James 1:17 – “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”
- Hebrews 13:8 – “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
- God is faithful.
- 2 Thess 3:3 – “The Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one.”
- 2 Tim 2:13 – “If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.”
- God keeps promises.
- Deut 7:9 – “Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations,”
- 2 Cor 1:20 – “For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.”
- God provides.
- Phil 4:19 – “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
- Matthew 7:11 – “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
- God won’t leave us alone/hungry/in need.
- Psalm 23 – All of it. He is a good shepherd.
- Psalm 34:10 – “The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.”
The Example of David:
David wasn’t perfect, and yet the Psalms are like a diary of God’s faithfulness to him throughout his life. Psalm 103 stands out especially to me during this time because this was written after his adultery. He was lustful and let his sin entice him to envy and murder so he could have what he wanted. He says this about the Lord:
“Bless the Lord,…who redeems your life from destruction; who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies; who satisfies you with good things;…The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger forever. He has not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our sins from us. Like as a father pities his children, so the Lord pities them that fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust…”Psalm 103, excerpts
Now, did David take advantage of the Lord’s grace and stay prideful? NO! The lovingkindness of the Lord is to lead us to repentance. (Romans 2:4) From Psalm 38, you can see that David knew the feeling of being chastised by the Lord and had a good relationship with the grieved state. Look at what he says in v 3-6:
“There’ is no soundness in my flesh because of your anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin. For my sins are gone over my head: as a heavy burden they are too heavy for me. My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness. I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long.”Psalm 38:3-6
He was contrite. He had asked God’s forgiveness and knew that there was “now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
The Takeaway: God our Redeemer:
God redeemed David, and I know is in the process of redeeming me. So will He provide and protect and lead? Yes. Is it because of anything I’ve done? Nope. He is just a good Father. And I know that as I walk in obedience to Him and am aware of my need for Him, He will honor that, too, because He is only good. Let the Lord lead you through your past into redemption. Let Him change your mindset and preconceived notions of who He is.
Take every thought captive and don’t let the devil get a foothold. Anytime your emotions lie and tell you God doesn’t love you enough to care for you or because of your sin or past choices, He will abandon you, stop and read the Word. The Word will correct you and tell you Truth and it will set you free from errant thinking. Trust Him. He is faithful.